How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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