you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
