i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
