Do vagina's smell?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Damn victory sex feels great
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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