i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
