All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
