oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
