when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
