I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
