Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
