wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
