DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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