This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
