don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
