i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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