Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
