you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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