Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
