Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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