I look better un-naked...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
