I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
