I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
