I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You took a bar mat shot.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
