I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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