weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wear drunk well.
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