Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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