he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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