it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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