Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
