So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
