you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
