she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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