So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
