yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
