i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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