He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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