I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
