you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
