So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
