Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
