can u get pink eye on your cock?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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