it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
