we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
