If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
