There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
