now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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