what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
