I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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