Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
