u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was born a porn star she said
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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