I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
