"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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