you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
