Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
