the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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