Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
