Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
