And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
