You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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