Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
