You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
