Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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