This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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