i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
