Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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