White coat. Heels.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
