Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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