its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize