what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
