At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
